The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
