If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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