I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your cock deserves a montage
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
