could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
