and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
