i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
