In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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