ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
