im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
