1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
