I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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