she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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