you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
