Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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