I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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