I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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