Michael Bay diarrhea
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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