you would pick up someone in the library
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
