and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
