So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
