every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
