This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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