i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
