your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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