chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
