I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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