There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
