drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
