i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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