I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My cat gives me a boner
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
