Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
