It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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