The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
