I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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