I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
