Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
