goodnight i made you a song goodbye
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
