First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
