then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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