be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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