At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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