He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
