At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
