Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
