btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
