You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
