I got chris browned last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
