mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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