NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
