i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
