sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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