he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
