We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
