What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I didn't shave. On purpose
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
