Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
