I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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