every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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