I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
