He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
