The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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