my mouth tastes like poor choices
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
