planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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