so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can you bring me the toilet please
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
