drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He did a backflip because drugs
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
