if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
