thus making me awesome and them whores
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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