So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
